


50 shades of I hate all of you

by orphan_account



Category: Outlast (Video Games)
Genre: A bookmark in my life made of sadness and bullshit, F/M, GET IT, I don't want this on my AO3 portfolio, I don't want to break your suspension of disbelief but I wasn't actually drunk when i wrote this, I hope everybody understands that this is a fucking joke, I'm tagging this badly because I hope nobody ever finds it, If English is not your native language I would advise you don't read this, It's Comedy, It's an art piece, Parody, it's funny or something, mentions of rape/non-con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-16
Updated: 2016-03-16
Packaged: 2018-05-27 01:48:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6264769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>fuck my life</p>
            </blockquote>





	50 shades of I hate all of you

**Author's Note:**

> hello everyone!!!!! uwu (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧ I hope you're having a sparkilicious day!! uwu I made this just for you gyuys so remember to give it A BILLIAN kudos and if you don't like it then I'll do something really really mean on tumblr uwu uwu like try to insult you in my tags, block you from my personal blog so that you can't see them and then never respond to your messages requesting a civilized conversation!!! all because I can't let go of criticism and have the communication skills of a TO D D LLER  
> (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧ (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧*:・ﾟ✧*:・ﾟ✧*:・ﾟ✧*:・ﾟ✧*:・ﾟ✧*:・ﾟ✧*:・ﾟ✧ remember to never bee critical of me bx i have no actual arguments to back myself up and so i will resort to childish insults!!!n and i will tell other people to get u too bc i'm a baby and cn't present my issues with someone to their face!!! n alsoo remember 2 follow me @assoholicgothicsparkleponybitch.tumblr.com!!!!!!! I love uuuuuuu
> 
> (I'm sorry.)

So once upon a time there was this girl named Marysue Lastname, and she was a girl. Her eyes were blue, or maybe green, or brown, or grayish, who really cares. Her hair was brown, because a lot of people can relate to that I guess, and because whoever made up her character probably has brown hair. And she was really insecure about herself for no real reason, maybe her hair or some bullshit. She was also really dumb and innocent and she'd been a 'good girl' all her life because nobody's sick of that trope yet, right?

So basically she was an awful vapid stereotype with no real personality. If you were expecting anything of substance you're out of luck, because she's not even a real character and fuck game design choices! Let's do this instead! Why doesn't everybody do this! Oh wait...

And, because she was too dumb and innocent to know what a mental institution was, she one day went to Mount Massivedick Asylylum, to investigate or whatever, the reason doesn't matter, nothing matters,, sky's the limit when you don't give a shit. So Whitegirl Largetits ventured into the asylum wearing some Plain Jane brand jeans and a shirt that was just low-cut enough to be sensuous. She was really taken aback by all the gore and blood and stuff because it's gross right?? And she got scared and ran from all the ugly people around, because ugly people make Prettyface Killmenow sad :''(

So while she was sitting in a corner crying because she was very scare and such sads about all the bloody things and ugly people, she didn't realize that she was in the territory of the most scariest variant of all: Kendoll Gluestick, whom I will try to avoid using the real name of in order to protect what little integrity as a character he has left. And also because it's comedy, you know. Comedy. Or something (Fuck I need some goddamn alcohol for this).

And then Kendoll Gluestick picked her up and raped her and when she called for help no-one rescued her, but the whole time Barbie secretly enjoyed it deep down in her heart - and somebody wrote about it, as a human, intentionally, and they enjoyed it because fuck I don't know, and they shared it with the whole fucking world so that it could be enjoyed by 12-year-olds who think they're somehow a hardass because they read Outlast rape smut, neckbeards, and women who use 50 Shades of Grey as an example of a healthy relationship.

Insert like, chapters upon chapters of fetishized and out-of-character sexual abuse that successfully demonizes the mentally ill and gratuitously romanticizes rape, and with such excess that the Roaring 20s would tell it to back off. Like, you will never get a chance to forget about it. Because that's literally all this is.

Blah blah blah graphic torture porn something about being permanently restrained and the author takes a break to pretend like they think rape is bad but they've still written like seventeen chapters of rape smut and Pants Notacharacter still enjoys it or something because it's not painful or traumatic or permanently scarring, nobody careeessss. Nobody's a character. They're all just plot devices. Throw some other fetishes in there, some fisting, probably some skullfucking or something, because it's not a fan community it's a shelter for people who can't get away with this kind of bullshit in other fandoms.

And then Vagina gets pregnant, because...she's not dead yet, nobody's come to investigate, nobody cares. Nobody cares. That's the moral of the story, children.

But Dumbass' positively-portrayed life of abuse doesn't end there, there's a lot more oral and anal sexual assault to come! And then she gives birth, you know, baby survives and everything, and for some reason her magical Mary-Sue baby has rainbow hair so she names her daughter Rainbow Rose, because there is nothing more perfect than a stripper/My Little Pony name for your weird rainbow child.

And then Rainbow Rose is a miracle because all of a sudden Doesanyoneevencare WhatIcallheranymore gets rescued!! Yayyy! Except not, because she has a brief pity party before she forgives Outofcharacter and then they get married for real this time and move to a mansion even though neither of them have jobs, and Edward also forgets about all of his mental illness and trauma and becomes a perfect charming prince and treats her well and she was left with no physical or emotional scars because FUCK THAT, that might make her character unrelatable or actually interesting or some shit. Not that her ridiculous reactions could be related to by any human with a brain anyway, but whatever, as mentioned, nobody gives a shit and a half.

And then Female and Prince Charming live happily ever after with no physical or emotional scars and they have thirteen children: Rainbow Rose, Midnight, Ebony, Vanilla Aspyn, Bongo Friendee, Tourmaline, Yandere, Tangerine, Luna Niirvana, Asriel, ♥, Lennyface, and Réfërênce. In a Barbie Dream House where emotional trauma doesn't exist.

The fucking end, okay. There's really nothing else to say about it except that it was all great, it was a magical ride through Candyland even though it was so predictable and disgusting that I hope it made you feel sick to your stomach.

Fuck, man, what the hell is an “Outlast”? I don't even know anymore. You kids get off my damn lawn.

Did I do it? Did I offend literally everybody? That was my goal from the start, so thank you very much. Mostly I'd like to thank my two best friends in the whole world: Patrick, and this big peanut guy! And this bottle of tequila. For helping me win the “Offend Everybody” award. Fuck.

 


End file.
